Thought I posted previously the version I heard, but I can't find it. Here goes:

What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

With swine flu you get oinkment. For bird flu they give you tweetment.

Here's one I saw on twitter, though it may have actually been serious (basic Japanese required):

A: Please translate this character: の

B: No.

A: Please, I really need this translated.

Just seen this in the comments section on a Youtube review video.

Why did the Console player cross the road?







To render the other side

My math teacher took some graph paper, went into his office, and closed the door. I think he's plotting something.

What do you call a bull sleeping?

Bulldozer.

Singerine over cosgerine is delish.

Boy Calculator: What's for dessert mom?

Mother Calculator: π

that was hilarious !

Here's one for the triggered PC crowd:

What do you call an aboriginal in a suit?

The defendant.

Some time today,Australia lost the plot.

Here's one that I didn't get at first (it works better spoken):

M: Bye!
N: I'm gay.

(M and N are two people speaking with each other.)

Baby polar bear goes up to his mother and ask her, "Mother, am I real polar bear?"

Mother says,"Of course you are son. What an odd question. Why would you ask that?"

Baby says, "Don't worry mom. I just needed to make sure."

A few days later the baby polar bear goes to his father and ask, "Dad, am I a real polar bear?"

His dad exclaims, "Don't be stupid! Of course you're a real polar bear! Jeeze, son, you and your strange questions!"

A few days later the whole family is sitting at the table having dinner when the baby speaks up, "Mom, dad, I know I already asked, but I need to be sure. Are both of you absolutely sure I'm a real polar bear? Are you totally totally positive?"

The mother and father both aghast shout at him, "Of course you're a real polar bear! Why on earth would you think you weren't a real polar bear!?"

And the baby says, "Because I'm fucking freezing."

Annoying Child to the woodchuck:
"How much wood could a woodchuck-chuck-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood?"

Irritated Woodchuck to the child:
"As much wood as a woodchuck-could-if-you could shut-up-and-let me finish chuckin' my wood!"

M: Transsexual!

N: Operation.