In Africa 1943 a British officer, a Nazi commando, and a Swiss banker are stranded in the desert although they wandered around in search for civilization, they all knew death would be certain.
Unexpectedly the British officer tripped over an object in the sand below, "Oi! What's this?" He exclaimed as he took an oblong piece of metal.
The banker quickly rushed over hoping it contained water or a map. The commando glanced over to look at the object and noticed etching on the one side, he too limped over too see what it was.
The officer wiped the sand off the side to see what the writing said, and suddenly a puff of purple smoke jutted out of the object's orifice.
"I am Yajjir the mighty djinn!" He boomed, "I am of the magical wish granting kind, I give three wishes to those who find me. And since I am in a very generous mood I will give each of you one wish." He proclaimed as he floated above the human's heads.
All three humans stumbled back, the commando actually fell down. "The only rules to your wish are: you cannot be gifted a kill, you cannot be gifted any superhuman abilities, and you cannot wish for more wishes." Chuckled the djinn.
The officer said, "I wish I could get back to England for my all of my troop are dead, and I want some peace." "Granted!" The djinn yelled. *poof!* The officer vanished.
The commando said, "I wish to be taken back to my squad to complete my task." "Granted!" The djinn yelled. *poof!* The commando vanished.
"I wish my friends and I could be together again." The banker sobbed.

I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for 5¢ a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.

A pretty young woman goes to see her gynecologist for the first time.
She says, "Doctor, I'm so nervous, because, you know... I've yet never undressed before men."
"No problem, miss", says the doctor. "We'll pull in the curtains and you can undress in the dark."
They do so, and then the girl asks, "Doc, where do I put my clothes?"
"Just put them next to mine."

A murderer said to a man named Jaro
"Kill a man, Jaro!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA

You've just put the word "corny" back into the thread. Well done! :-)

http:/[url=]/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Kilimanjaro[/url]

Here's an old World of WarCraft joke I'm very fond of:
A Warlock got the jump on a Rogue. Afterwards, the Rogue said: "Whew, that was a CloS one!"

A woman entered the kitchen and saw her husband stalking around the room with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responded.
"Have you gotten any?" she asked.
"Yes," he said proudly, "three males and two females!"
"You can tell the difference? How?"
"Well, three was on a beer can and two were on the phone."

lol that reminded me of another joke,
Why can't women go on skiing trips?
...
Because there's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen! :O

What do you say to the girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already done told the bitch twice already!

bleeach

Two Jews walk into a bar and yell 'Hey! Did you hear the joke about us?'

Joke time! As in, I just *had* to share this...
Two strands of DNA were walking down the street. One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?

That reminds me... This one is best said out loud...
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes...