I just had a hilarious phone conversation with a machine.
Background bit: My daughter is addicted to a browser game which works more or less faultlessly on Windows (although it has its share of hiccups) but which is pants on a Mac (it requires some files to be installed, so no surprise there). Unfortunately she uses a Mac laptop, so she asked me about using Bootcamp as a way of getting the game to run properly. I know nothing about Bootcamp and don't want to, so rather than sifting through fanboy articles online about how brilliant Mac and Bootcamp and Mac and Mac are, I thought I'd phone the local Mac emporium (there's a big one not far away) and speak to someone who could answer my particular questions.
The first thing I got was an automated bimbo who wished me a happy holiday. Bad start. This is Britain, we don't call Christmas a holiday. We refer to it as a season or a time, not a holiday. Then she talked about how caring Mac are and how much my custom was valued. Thanks, but I just--- Then she blabbed about the special offers Apple are making available to me exclusively as proof of how valued my custom (I've never spent any money there) really is. Yeah great, thanks, but I was just calling becau--- Then she told me about all the services Apple had to make my experience with them the best it could possibly be (there wasn't an option to strangle robot bimbos who are incapable of shutting up and letting humans speak, unfortunately). Then there was a pause and I leapt into the void hopefully, thinking that it was now my turn to talk. Hi, I'd like to talk to--- Then she started to fire off options: 1. iPad support. 2. iPhone support. 3. Laptop support (that's me!) and I hit the key. Wow, a human at last...
Only it wasn't a human. The robot bimbo was back reeling off more options. Purchasing options, credit options, Genius Bar options (wtf?), options for things which I had no interest in whatsoever. So I switched tack and waited for the spiel to finish and the moment when I would finally be allowed to speak, after all she had informed me at the outset that she was an automated vendor 'who can understand sentences.' Then I challenged just how clever she really was, and said nothing. She said she couldn't hear me and could I speak up. I remained silent. She asked me again to say what I wanted. Not me, I was resolved not to play her game by now. She then reeled off her list of options again, this time with a key number attached to each to make it easier for me to answer. Belligerent consumer that I am I refrained from pressing anything. After a pause she told me to hit any key or she would end the call. Sulky cow. So I pressed '5'. I was then directed to someone human who I could actually talk to. A salesperson.... In India. (This Apple establishment is fifteen miles away. With binoculars and a set of flags we could probably have a reasonably good conversation). I hung up knowing I would get no further (if anyone has dealt with Amazon by phone they will know what I mean - you get general stuff and vacuous stuff, you don't get worthwhile information).
So that's how much Apple cares about my custom. Instead of feeling a sense of failure I was pleased, because I could walk away without having wasted any money on them or their fantastic products, so all in all I escaped lightly.
I could've done with the bimbo's phone number though, she sounded nice...
Post edited December 18, 2015 by Stilton