Folks, although I understand very well why most of you are doing what you are doing, there are ways of derailing and there are ways of derailing... if you truly believe TStael is trolling, don't feed them. How's that for an easy solution that does not harm anyone even if unintentionally?
I mean whatever your read on their motivations, you do see they are troubled and likely in some pain of some kind? Try to be kinder to each other please.
Hi TStael,
When I do critical analysis of your post I see exactly 3 question marks. The majority of your post is your relating of some experiences. The conclusion I make is that despite trying to start a dialogue, your main motive for this post was expressing your opinion and maybe some catharsis.
Because I try to be a kind individual and I have respect for your idealism I will first try to answer that implicit, because unstated, need that I think you are expressing.
You have survived it and are safer now. :) I'm happy that you managed to do so.
I'm sorry if this facebook canvassing reopened some old wounds. All you are saying is right on: you should not have been bullied. It should be your choice to be vulnerable instead of strong, and no one should have hurt you on purpose.
I am sorry for your old coleague. As you know supporting him will probably help him hugely, and you are in a perfect position to do so kindly. That's of course, if it is not too painful for you. Getting angry at him would be the worst right? If it is painful, please take care of yourself before challenging your resilience.
Now, because I am who and how I am, I will answer your actual literal questions, and then give you my opinion. Here's from the bottom.
I'm afraid I don't see... because I'm not sure what your ... ... ... was supposed to mean. I can make guesses but it is too vague for me.
Your other two questions are actually the same question. I think I was a bit bullied. But funnily enough I did not really think of it as bullying back then. I probably did not even really notice much of it, and the only reason I think something like it happened is things friends tell me but I either did not notice or don't remember at all. This was primary school. Ignorance is bliss heh?
In high school, there was one particular occasion where another student in my class choked me until I passed out. I'm not sure whether to call that bullying, but looking at it form a distance - despite some very common parameters with typical situations of bullying in school, I would probably judge it to have been something a bit different in my case.
Now my opinion. Bullying is a very difficult situation, especially among children and teenagers, not because there are no victims - there are obviously - but because sometimes there are no malicious bullyers. Despite the damage it causes bullying is very similar to social games that are perfectly healthy and necessary to life in a group.
In terms I think you will understand, all choice inherently implies exclusion. And that exclusion can be harmful yet unintentional.
This is very unfortunate because it makes it very hard for adults to judge properly what is happening. In the extreme situations of malice, the bullier is probably adept at camouflaging his intent. The victim is probably the least prepared to get help, and also trying to hide and act strong.
It's overall a tragic thing. I think the best way to prevent even the non malicious bullying from becoming damaging is a quick reaction. To identify that something like it is happeningand be able to react I'd suggest dynamic social life and deep parental involvement. But then, my "conservatism" and focus on families would say that right? :) I think the dynamic social life matters so that children have different circles of non overlapping friends. Behavioral differences will be easier to notice with references for contrast.
Parental involvement is obvious. The child or teenager should ideally feel at ease to share his experiences in a safe environment. Unfortunately the statistical truth is that bullying victims likely correlate with situations where there are communication difficulties in the families, be that due to socioeconomic conditions, or non normative personalities.
Be well TStael.
