So, your girlfriend is Dracula?

Survey: Why don't you let your girlfriend use your gaming PC?
Responses:

50%: I don't have a gaming PC
50%: I don't have a girlfriend



Um, no.

Conversation with my girlfriend's ten year old sister:

Her: "So, Did you have another girlfriend before you met her?"
Me: "I had two other serious girlfriends and another woman who I dated."
Her: "What's the boy word for slut?"

What does a miner feel when he finds out he can't dig anymore?

Deep-pressed!

Oooooooooo nice one!

I was playing on my ps4 and I asked my girlfriend,
"Why do you look so sad?" She didn't answer. So,
I turned off my ps4. She asked, "Why did you turn
off your ps4?" I said, "Because there is something
here much better than my ps4. She blushed.
Then, I turned on my gaming PC.

Where can you relax while finding great deals on games?

At gog dot calm.

My girlfriend and my cat:

Both find it acceptable to eat my food.
Neither can decide if they want to go out for the evening.
It is acceptable for them to sleep all day but neither will
let me sleep in if they are awake.
Both demand attention whenever I want privacy.
I can never tell what either of them are thinking, but
I may assume that I have displeased them in some way.

I was reading an article in Forbes about celebrities investing in well established companies. Apparently, one of them is rebranding to Bed, Bath & Beyonce.

Q: What do you call the strain of birds that appeared last year?

A: CORVID-19

Then there was this guy walking into a bar ordering whisky on the rocks. The bartender proceeds to splash a modest bit of whisky over a pair of ice cubes in a glass. The guy looks disappointedly at the glass and the bartender hurriedly explains, 'I saw no other option. Next time, I suggest removing your pants before ordering.'

My girlfriend told me that if
I bought her one more stupid
gift she would burn it.
So, I bought her a candle.

A man won a lottery prize of $500 million. There goes a local reporter to interview the lucky guy.

R: - "Mr. Walters, you must be an incredibly lucky man. You just got 500 million dollars. Can you tell our viewers what you're thinking you're going to do with all this money?"
W: - "Well, I think I'm gonna pay a few debtors right away."
R: - "Okay, sure. But what about the rest?"
W: - The rest is gonna have to wait until I win the lottery again."