Are you getting any... professional help to your apparent depression?

Of course that will not magically bring you new friends etc., but I got a feeling that someone (professional) to talk to might be good to at least see where you are at the moment.

Then again, since you are located in US, I don't know if you need to have the money to get any "professional opinion", which is of course quite a deadlock situation.

I can't say I am at the very moment in the very same situation, but I'm seeing close some people close to me who are quite depressed. For example someone I know telling me last weekend if there is any point to living anymore. That very much alerted me.

I probably had a moment of temporary insanity to suggest keeping jerk friends if you can. I have to agree, maybe solitude is the better alternative. I don't know, it's hard to know what to do sometimes. Anyways, I don't have any professional help. Part of it is the money, but there's another thing that I think is stopping me. If I told my parents I was depressed I don't think they would understand it. In their eyes, I have no reason to be depressed or frustrated.

They just say how good I have it compared to others (which may be true, but somehow it doesn't make me feel much better), how I'm being taken care of until I can stand on my own, how I just have to be patient and wait for things to get better etc. I think if I could just land a job, keep it, get a positive income going, that will take care of a lot of my angst.

Friends are overrated. Have you tried taking up boxing? I have a punching bag at home, and it is very relaxing. The physical effort not only keeps you in shape, but also improves your mood. Also, learning how to throw a punch is very useful:P

Therapy is important, and does help, but it's not just him, it's the environment he's in. If he's stuck in an environment where he's not getting the social interactions he needs, then it won't be much use in the long run. He just needs to get out of there.

The trouble is, modern society is so obsessed with quick fix overmedicated solutions that they'd probably make him take drugs which would only make him worse.

If you refuse to see a therapist or discuss this issue with your family (which are wrong decisions FYI, you could have a diagnosable mental illness) then at least try some home remedy methods for depression or bipolar disorder. Physical activity is a big one, and there are herbal supplements designed to help as well like St. John's Wort.

Spend some time googling. How you feel is not normal, and while I am not going to air my personal shit on a gaming forum I can tell you things get better when you actually take steps to discover the problem and not languish in depression-fueled apathy.

As frustrating as that sounds, they actually do have a point. It's sometimes nice to be thankful for the things you do have, and use that as a basis to form a more positive outlook on your situation. Because I don't think you need me to tell you that you don't have to look very far to know that there are others who have it far, far, far worse than you.

Hello GothikOrk!
I'm not an expert here, but I would say that you should do something creative. Having a job is good for most of the people because it makes them feel that they are needed. But it doesn't need to be a job. Just try to create something. If you like gaming, creating your own levels, mods or even playing with screenshots might be a good start.
And don't worry about "friends". Like someone said, friends are overrated :P And the funny thing is the less you care, the more people will start to hang around you. I think it's a personal matter, but most of the times I find people boring. I like to have fun on my own, play games alone, on my own terms, whenever I want, etc. This is freedom. As soon as you'll appreciate your own company, you won't need anyone else. It doesn't mean you won't have "friends". It just means that you won't care anymore.
So my advice is:
1) Learn to have fun on your own and be as much creative in it as you can be.
2) Stop caring that much about other people. They are not worth it.
3) Don't listen to people trying to send you to a doctor. You can "cure" yourself without any help.
In any case, you can always PM me.
Good luck mate!

I just wanted to say that there's been a lot of anti-doctor backlash recently, but there's also a bit if misinformation. For example, psychologists can't prescribe medicine (psychiatrists can). I'm going to second StingingVelvet above, seeing a therapist is a good idea. It's not a matter of curing, they're not going to knock you on the head, shoot you up with drugs, and send you on your way, but having someone to talk to about this stuff who's unbiased and (assuming you find a good one) insightful could help a lot, even just to get some advice on what you can do at home to feel better.

I don't have much to add. But I understand how you feel. Good luck.

To the OP, good on you for typing that all out. It may lead to a kind of therapy after all. About a year ago I made a crazy forum post reaching out for advice (not here) and I didn't care how crazy I looked, because I *was* losing it. Being able to type all of that out forced my sanity to re-emerge and finally take control.

On a semi-related note, I don't have your exact problem. I have a few friends, but I have always valued solitude. I also have a live-in girlfriend, and I really crave quality time to myself. I guess you could say that I'm proud of my introversion, because more often than not my own thoughts are more interesting than most conversations I have in real life. Solitude is not the enemy: it's unlimited freedom. The best year and a half of my life I spent reading, writing, going to college, and mostly ignoring people. I also tended to gardening, going to Classical Music performances, and went on a lot of long walks (better to do in a nice area, obviously.)

Edit: I know that everyone has different interests, but for me gardening produced a quasi-religious euphoria for me. I remember planting packets of seeds and finding the job to be tedious, but weeks later when I saw hundreds of tiny buds emerging from the ground, I was transfixed with wonder and awe, and I soon became an obsessive gardener. That was back when I lived with my parents, who had land to work with. So if you're in that situation, try to get outside more, bird watch, have your morning coffee among plants and flowers, and meditate on images. It's all far and away more interesting than anything on your computer or television screen.

Would you stop it -_- ?
It's getting ridiculous.

@OP
I can understand you. That's all I'm willing to say in an open forum and with my horrific English.

BTW:
I'm in therapy for years now and it isn't that bad. The most important thing is to find a psychotherapist you like or at least trust because you share your deepest thoughts with her/him. If this is not the case the therapy is definitely going to fail.

Solitude sucks, and the more time you spend finding reasons to stay alone, the harder it will be to do something about it.
When we feel bad, one of the most common "defensive" reactions is to lock ourselves into our own apartments/bedrooms/selves, and not interact with others. Playing games & reading books, as fun as that is, will become an alternative to actually living, and this is quite dangerous.

I don't know your entire story, but it sounds like you need to find a way of breaking out of your comfort zone. What are you interested in? Check to see if you can do that at some place near you. Don't know what your interested in? Well, then try several different things. I never knew indoor bouldering http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bouldering was fun, until I actually tried it. And the more you start breaking out of your comfort zone, the easier it will be. You don't need to throw yourself into awkward social situations from the get go, just doing other things that you've never done before will help you build confidence, and that will be of great use when you interact with others. And who knows, you might actually meet some nice people at those places. And this might sound cliche, but take some courses in different general things (pottery, history, motorcycling), everything you do will add another experience, and it will make it easier for you to relate to others who have done similar things.

Also, seek out groups that are generally quite accepting of people who feel socially awkward. Roleplayers for an example, are usually very understanding, as many who play roleplaying games come from troubled backgrounds (just may sure that you don't end up in a group that wallows in self pity, that is sadly not all that uncommon). You can probably find a local group online.

Also, if you are feeling very socially awkward, there might be something else behind it. A mild autism can make people feel very bad about themselves. If possible, ask a psychiatrist about this, because if there is an issue of this type, then the psychiatrist will be able to offer you advice on how to handle it.

But the impost important thing is to just get out, do things that you are not entirely comfortable with (though obviously nothing illegal or harmful), and let that help you build some self confidence.


*edit*
And the forum seems to dislike it when you put in a link that looks like this:
<url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bouldering&gt;Bouldering&lt;/url&amp;gt;, where the last part of the link is repeated as the word you want it to say.

One of the truly horrible things in life, having to constantly be someone your not... It is soul destroying. I hope soon you find a better paying job that doesn't require you to be a social butterfly.
What you suggest is a luxury, I think. In many countries, people are punished for not conforming by not being given job opportunities, by being hated etc That is one of the things that makes USA, a special place. You can be who you want to be there.

I can relate to you guys as well.

Though my situation isn't as bad as others, (I guess I got lucky with a best friend I can share everything with), I do share similar traits.

I myself, by nature, am a feeling person. I can't help it. I get lonely. I pester my family all the time with stuff I don't have anyone appropriate onhand to share with.
I'm shy, but I love to talk.
Once people get to know me, they know how much a fun and interesting person I can be!
(There are not many people with a Arcade machine in their house you know! XD)

Its hard. Very hard, to motivate oneself to get out and about.
Sure I can go for a walk or to town, but despite living in the same town since I was born, and went to schools that were local, I never really clicked with anyone local.
Just never met a gamer I could just pop over and see.

Uni didn't really help much.
The commute was time consuming (about 2-3 hour bus journey there and back), and I could never get close to anyone by technicality since, I always had to get home early or not be able to get back at all.

But it was more than that. I just never truly connected with anyone.
Sure I was friendly to people, and worked well in group (well getting into a group was always troublesome, since I'm too afriad to just go to people and ask to join them (irrational I know, but I'm just not good with approaching people, especially groups!), but no-one shared any interests I had.
I knew the stuff they knew mostly so I could hold their conversations, but whenever I said stuff about my "world" as it were, people just didn't comprehend at all.
Essentially I was speaking an alien language! XD
I can't trust people, I can't take the initiative.
People have to work hard and be persistant for me to open up to them.
(Its mostly rooted in bullying. Years and years of it as a child growing up into an adult. I try to hide myself away from people out of fear of mockery and judgement. Only in "safe" situations do most people see the real me)

I definately wasn't ready for uni. I'm still not. A large part of learning and develop at uni is social, and I've struggled so hard on my own.
I'm pretty chaotic by nature, I'm not a book heavy person (I can't even get through a single chapter in a text book without feeling sleepy zzzz...), with folders and folders of notes.
I could never get my head around it all.
Every assignment was a disorganised scramble and it proved too much for me.

Its infuriating, being really clever, but not being able to get it onto paper properly.
Every attempt at improving my writing techniques proved unfruitful, I always do the same thing.
(I can't regurgitate a whole essay onto paper like some people can do -_- I always get confused and have a jumbled incomplete plan, which then in turn, leads to a barebones essay that gives me a pass if I'm lucky x_x )

I'm trying not to worry so much about failure, (another thing that causes me to be inactive. My fear of failure and rejection. Blah!...).
I know my family have my back if I do screw things up, but a part of me still think they will secretly hate or be embarassed at me if I never finish uni.
(Which is a load of bullcrap, even moreso when Uni degrees are barely worth the paper printed on these days since so many people have them.... (employers like EXPERIENCED people with degrees, but only having a degree without experience basically doesn't give an employer much to go on compared to other applicants. Yeah. I researched all this as part of an assigment (which I didn't finish since my discoveries put me off doing it compeltely!))

As you can see, self-reflection and self-loathing are very strong aspects of myself.
I know I need to motivate myself to confront fears, and dismiss bad thoughts, and I am trying very hard to implement that, but its a constant battle.

I mean, I wanted to go to the docs and get reffered to a professional to talk about my problems, (a PROPER proffesional, child psychiatrists be dammned! (sorry, I had bad experiences with crappy school therapists who didn't care to really deal with my problems, just to try to patch me up to do schoolwork)), but honestly? I've been to afriad to go.
I keep coming up with excuses and distractions to stop myself.
e.g. being afriad I'm wasting my time, being afriad of something worse, go play X, or help out Y to do Z ect.

Its something to work up to I think.

EDIT: Oh and just quickly, another thing thats causing my problems with Uni.
- conflict of interest.

You see, I'm doing a Management degree.
I was too afraid to do something I didn't do as an A level.
(I did averagely at Business, English Literature, and Biology. I went for the one that would most likely get me a "good job" <- Oh what a fool I was!)

But my real passion in life, is video games.
Yeah, yeah, cliche on this forum I know, but its my main passion in life.

I like business, but to be honest, I'd rather tinker with technology or design video games than play business man.

(I just got in a Raspberry Pi, and I've been tinkering with that over the past few days instead( of working on deffered assignments.< one of many examples of this conflict being disruptive!)

But getting into the industry is hard, so I went for an easier path.
(Which ironically was probably harder, since I just don't have the passion for business anymore!)

I never made the push to be an indie dev, due to doubts of my own abilities.
I'm not an artist, I'm not a coder. I'm definately not a musician (my poor guitar is gathering dust on the other side of the room!)

I know that with time and effort, I probably could make something good, but I doubted that it wouldn't be enough.
I didn't want to sponge of people, especially those I cared about.

As a kid, I never got close to finishing a project at all. So those failures weighed in on my mind.

I still had ideas though. Nagging at me. Forcing me to put them onto paper and text files.
All over the house, there are little scraps of stuff lying around, and what isn't on paper is glued into the back of my mind.
I have vision, direction, but again organisation is not strong.

I felt guilty that I didn't have time for games, I felt guilty that I didn't organise enough time for uni work.

And I'm still like that. Too afriad to go either way. Linger in mediocrity to avoid failure on either side.

A part of me wants to keep trying with uni, another wants me to just give it all up and go for my dreams.

Another part just wants mommy and daddy to stop fighting! :p

Yup. Messed up, but dealing with social anxiety is the key to dealing with all of it. I know that now.