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General discussion (archive)I need some help hiding a body(70 posts)(70 posts)
(70 posts)
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This is my favourite topic
Posted March 03, 2012
I've heard someone say that a friend will help you move and a good friend will help you move a body.

I have two good friends.
Posted March 03, 2012
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michaelleung: I've killed my roommate using a paperclip, some cellophane and nearly full box of dental floss and I need help disposing the body. Anyone with some murdering experience (or worked as an aide for Karl Rove, same thing) who can help? I don't have much in the way of tools, but I do have last week's issue of The Economist and a secondhand Fleshlight.
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SimonG: Actually, the best and safest way to dispose a body is to get some of those "body waste"barrels that your local hospital uses. They are not consider "restricted" so you can buy them in just about every decent hardware/general surpluss store. Prepare a cutting room, cut up the body in fitting pieces, stick everything (including tools and plastic sheets into those boxes) and seal them.

Then bring them into the hospital and place them close to the morgue. The Hospital staff is forbidden to open them (due to infections and whatnot). They will be incinerated at extremly high temperatures without ever being opened again. All traces of the body gone forever.

Even if they can prove you brought those containers to the hospita, there is nothing they can do as all evidence has been utterly destroyed.
Great idea!!!
Posted March 03, 2012
3 hours since last post from tc... maybe the internet police arrived
Posted March 03, 2012
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spindown: (The Hilti DX460MX is the cadillac of nailguns).
You mean Lexus but you ain't know it.
Posted March 03, 2012
Incidentally, this was wikipedia's article of the day yesterday:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Julia_Martha_Thomas

Just try not to impersonate your mate (i.e. by playing porn at loud volumes in his room at night) as a cover-up, or your other flatmates might get suspicious.
Posted March 03, 2012
...you ever consider getting help for your schizophrenia?
Posted March 03, 2012
Actually you're in luck. We're coming up to the time when the clocks go forwards (do they do this in other countries?). This means there is a period of time that doesn't exist. As one of my friends put it, we're postponing an hour, we'll take it later on in the year.

So, in the UK at least, if the police find an incident between 1 and 2 o'clock on the last sunday morning of march, it confuses the hell out of their systems. They haven't bothered to put their watches forwards, so the incident is recorded in a time that never happened. If you arrange for the body to be discovered then, it may fall through the cracks in the system, and be forgotten. A little hopeful perhaps, but I'd be interested in someone putting this to the test and letting me know the result. If it's ok by you.
Posted March 03, 2012
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michaelleung: I've killed my roommate using a paperclip, some cellophane and nearly full box of dental floss and I need help disposing the body. Anyone with some murdering experience (or worked as an aide for Karl Rove, same thing) who can help? I don't have much in the way of tools, but I do have last week's issue of The Economist and a secondhand Fleshlight.
avatar
SimonG: Actually, the best and safest way to dispose a body is to get some of those "body waste"barrels that your local hospital uses. They are not consider "restricted" so you can buy them in just about every decent hardware/general surpluss store. Prepare a cutting room, cut up the body in fitting pieces, stick everything (including tools and plastic sheets into those boxes) and seal them.

Then bring them into the hospital and place them close to the morgue. The Hospital staff is forbidden to open them (due to infections and whatnot). They will be incinerated at extremly high temperatures without ever being opened again. All traces of the body gone forever.

Even if they can prove you brought those containers to the hospita, there is nothing they can do as all evidence has been utterly destroyed.
Not a bad idea, actually. The nearest hospital is quite far away but I think it'll be worth the trip for this. I do have some doubts about being caught red-handed. Maybe I'll show up at the hospital wearing a mask of some sort.
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Rohan15: ...you ever consider getting help for your schizophrenia?
Fuck you. This is important.
Post edited March 03, 2012 by michaelleung
Posted March 03, 2012
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michaelleung: Not a bad idea, actually. The nearest hospital is quite far away but I think it'll be worth the trip for this. I do have some doubts about being caught red-handed. Maybe I'll show up at the hospital wearing a mask of some sort.
Yes, use a disguise. Remember: you only want to kill the target, you're a hitman, not a bloodthirsty monster. You're after the silent assassin rank.
Posted March 03, 2012
Just ask Siri!
Posted March 03, 2012
I've got it! Put it on Freecycle. There are people there that will take anything!
Posted March 03, 2012
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michaelleung: Not a bad idea, actually. The nearest hospital is quite far away but I think it'll be worth the trip for this. I do have some doubts about being caught red-handed. Maybe I'll show up at the hospital wearing a mask of some sort.
Just wear a coat, act important and get some underpaid hospital staffer "to bring that barrel were it belongs". That should do it.

If you get coughtred handed, just pretend you were trying to steal the barrel (for a horror movie, sexual reasons, whatever). Before the police know know what is up the barrel is incinerated and all evidence completly destroyed. And the circumstential evidence isn't nearly enough to get a coniviction.

Just prepare your "kill room" carefully so at all evidence is lost in the incinerator.
Posted March 03, 2012
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WrathOfTheAngels: Was your roomate irawasome?
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irawesome: go away, just go away.
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spindown: This guy knows what he's talking about. +Rep
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irawesome: Yep.Indeed.
You do realize there's a chance the Canadian police can track you down unless you go to Mexico. Also the spell check says realize not realise Micheallueng.
[url=
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278]
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278[/url]
Use -ise, -isation (realise, organisation) throughout.
Posted March 03, 2012
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irawesome: go away, just go away.
Yep.Indeed.
You do realize there's a chance the Canadian police can track you down unless you go to Mexico. Also the spell check says realize not realise Micheallueng.
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michaelleung: [url=
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278]
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278[/url]
Use -ise, -isation (realise, organisation) throughout.
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michaelleung:
That's correct, Realize is the American form of the word realise. which is why spell check marks realise as wrong when it is correct in most other countries. As a general rule though, i use realize when im on the internet.
Posted March 03, 2012
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michaelleung: [url=
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278]
http://www.economist.com/node/21535278[/url]
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Nroug7: That's correct, Realize is the American form of the word realise. which is why spell check marks realise as wrong when it is correct in most other countries. As a general rule though, i use realize when im on the internet.
The problem with American English is that the very idea of having a difference to British English was based on the fact that Noah Webster, who created the first American dictionary, wanted to differentiate his country from Britain. Quite silly, because it only makes Webster seem like a petulant child who wanted to be different from the others.
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This is my favourite topic
Community
General discussion (archive)I need some help hiding a body(70 posts)(70 posts)
(70 posts)