mduncan: The Independence War series has fairly realistic space physics. Graphics are certainly a step up from games like Elite.
They are hard though. Never played IW2, but heard it was much harder than IW1.
Ive played both through, while its been quite some time i did that, the I-War 1 is far more HC than I-War 2. Both are very nice, but i felt I-War 1 had much more interesting mission design (many levels of success and failure), but graphics and interface are unfortunately more rough than I-War 2. Both are very good though.
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Freespace 1 and 2 are "more unrealistic", but i always thought they captured the feeling of desperate war pretty well. And ofcourse its one of the better space games anyways.