It was a long time ago, but it was a formative time in my life. I was very young and very impressionable and someone much older than me betrayed my trust and lead me down a path of negative behaviors that impacted my life in a very lasting way. Under the guidance of this elder role model whom I placed my trust in, I began making very unhealthy choices. Sure, these substances I placed in my body made me feel good at first... even euphoric at times... but later, I would crash and crash hard. I never attributed the euphoria to the crash. Perhaps I didn't want to.

Beyond the ups and downs of satisfaction and craving pangs, I never fully understood what I was doing to my body. I just thought it felt good... but after a while, my skin would change, and my weight would fluctuate. I started to appear monstrous. As a young boy, it was obvious I would grow to be not unlike a god... but after placing my trust in this new "friend", all my hopes of an Adonis-like life were taken away.

It wasn't enough to submit myself to the physical and mental roller coaster of the creeping death substance... I craved it so much... My "role model" actually advocated stealing to get my fix. Leading by example, I found myself sneaking into the stashes of others to take for myself... thus have irrevocable impact on my other relationships with friends and family.

Now that I am older, and after many years, I have finally gathered the courage to shake the demons that haunt me, take responsibility for my behavior and have begun to make amends to those I have hurt... including myself. But there are still things I have to say to this foul pusher who led a young boy away from a higher path and robbed him of youth and a great deal of happiness.

I don't know where this person is today, but I would like to speak to him, publicly, in the only language I know he understands. I write this to that he will know what he has done to me but also so that others may avoid his influence.

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Hamburgler,

Robble robble robble young boy robble grobble robble cheeseburgers robble grobble robble robble. Robble robble fries robble robble as a kite. Robble robble trusted you grobble robble. Grobble robble Mayor McCheese robble robble grobble robble. Robble robble robble robble robble robble.

Robble grobble malnutrition robble robble. Grobble robble robble robble mood swings. Grobble robble robble sexual dysfunction and robble robble liver damage. Robble robble robble robble robble robble. Grobble grobble grobble fat as a robble robble cow. Robble robble robble stealing robble robble robble support my addiction! Grobble robble robble robble robble robble hurting family.

Grease robble robble robble veins. McDonalds robble robble robble pure robble unaldulterated robble robble death. Grobble robble robble robble robble robble robble can't forgive robble robble robble save others robble robble robble pain.

Sincerely,

HoneyBakedHam


(posted for amusement)
(the idea of an open letter
to the Hamburgler is funny to me :-)

At least I got one :-)

Or, maybe, there can be ONLY ONE! ;-)