Everyone who hates me, you can rejoice. Today i received a mighty blow that i never saw it coming. An ex of mine that i really loved, once upon a merry time, but she played me for a fool and sold me out... A person i ripped my own heart out of my chest in order to forget (and failed at even that, too)... A person whose behavior against me brought years of suffering and hell... A person without which i almost died (and this literally)... Today, suddenly, out of the blue, she visited my mansion. After years. Seeing that face again, after those memories with her, made even me feel pain, razor sharp, cutting glass straight in chest. I had the worst new year's previous day i 've ever had over the last 30 years. Doubly so, since i had other relatives as guests for dinner, snakes and serpents the lot of them, but i couldn't avoid/evade the gathering. Woe me, black year once more, it is, then. Curses, devil, anathema! My faked, self inflicted illusionary feeling of satisfaction and contentment, by stealing things belonging to others or trying to substitute for those i dearly missed and lacked, came down crashing in but a very small, short, instant. Back to square one; destroyed and mocked on top of that, even. What the hell, i aspired to become a senseless, emotionless-wannabe stooge, who can be "bullied" by the mere presence of a younger girl and has his mood completely ruined, over something others give no value at and treat like a cheap faq-toy (i lurked her for some time); she had been the entire world to me, back then... So much for my stupidity and gullibility.

Downvote me, talk crap about me, send me to hell, but in vain this is all going to be; i am in hell already. Over the last 7 years, anyway. This is an ill omen that does not bode well for new year's, at all... Why did she have to come invade my home? Why had she to come back and torment me? Why did she have to return to the scene of the crime and demolish my entire world, butcher out the remnants of my heart for a second time? God, i hate you. Gods, you twisted my prayers and aspirations and you brought me punishment, for becoming vile instead of virtuous, even though i was destroyed from devils wearing the guise of a human, before! Curses! Now the only thing i wish for, is to watch *it* burn. Before those two eyes, a feast of others' suffering will be witnessed. I demand compensation for my destruction at the hands of the people i trusted and loved, once; from above, from below, i don't care, from wherever the hell calamities can run loose on the world and wreck both objects and souls alike. The world to which i once offered my heart at with the most beautiful dreams adorning it, all of those were cruelly murdered down to the very last one; this world, i want to see it go down in flames. Even if it is the last thing i will ever do.

Am I the only one who thinks he copies his posts directly out of pulp fiction novels?

You win. I am trash and i admit it. I am the worst. Doubly so since i failed. Laugh all you want, i have earned it. I surrender. This time i won't reply, argue, or even start anything with you; or anyone else. Today is the one and only moment in my life i wish i was born gay. I can't take it anymore. I kindly wish for you and your loved ones a happy new year, coupled with the wish for them to remain in good terms with you till the end. And an extra wish as a bonus; you never meet, or even worse live with, the people i had the disaster to know. I was the unluckiest man on earth with the worst destiny ever written. And i have a present for you; tonight onwards, i am going to become scarce! Here, as well as elsewhere online i still "pollute" their places. Goodbye, son.

We don't hate you, Bradley. Confused by much of what you say, definitely.

I really don't know of anyone else who speaks so often of vengeance. And then some of those things you say you do in order to get even... they sound just as bad as the actions of the ones who wronged you. That's only going to continue to put you in situations that cause those bad personal relations.

This whole borrowing or taking energy thing - to me it sounds like a distraction, as is the womanizing. I don't know how much of all this is bravado and how much of it is hiding real pain, butt if your posts are any indication of the way things really are then I can't help but think that what you're doing now simply is not working; to the contrary, it sounds like those actions make things worse.

I sincerely hope you find real solutions to these difficulties.

I'm just glad to put this shit-fuck year in the rearview mirror. 2015 brought our family this:

- My brother committed suicide
- My wife's niece died in a tragic accident
- My mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer
- My brother in law is a raging alcoholic and is now on a 'Leaving Las Vegas' mission to drink himself to death
- My father's kidneys (one of which never fully developed - a fact just recently discovered) are at risk of shutting down
- My good friend who is battling cancer has finally run out of treatment options and is now just riding out her remaining time pumping herself full of morphine and sleeping for the better part of the day (at least she made it to Christmas, which was something that was not a certainty)

Here's hoping the new year will be at least marginally better.

I wonder if he speaks this dramatically in his native tongue. Regardless I would hang out with him.

In his mansion? :P

Yes with the snakes and serpents...... I really do enjoy his flair with words.

There are some things that you can't control. After few years when storm has passed you will laugh at things which is making you sad at the moment.

Visiting some family at the moment, and a while back they decided to play some crappy gospel music, by some nobody local artist, at full blast on their sound system. I felt trapped like a rat on a burning ship or something, like the music was slowly chipping away at my sanity. It's simply unbearable.
Luckily I had to plot out a map for my aunt on my laptop, for an upcoming holiday trip, and I realized that by chance I had a set of proper headphones in my bag. Master of Puppets has never sounded so awesome before :P

Got my ass kicked pretty hard outside a bar last night. Why do I feel like I had that coming? I know I get a little rowdy when I drink too much.

Must be life's way of telling me I need to get back on the wagon, I guess. Booze and I have a long history, and I don't feel like repeating past mistakes again, tempting though it may be sometimes. I've lost enough already. Maybe I'm just a little upset over meeting an old flame in a few days time. Not sure if that's a mistake or what. Feelings are weird. But perhaps it can help me make some sense of things. We'll see.

In the meantime, I need some ice for my face. Ouch.

Lifes been okay, but pretty hectic for me, just need more time at home rather than on the road.
Living in a 3rd world country, the economy is going downhill fast, prices skyrocketed, dealing with a bunch of monkeys (retarded government and its employees) made my day to day sometimes a living hell.

Oh how i wish i could punch that smug faces and watch their teeth crumbles....

Not complaining much but I'm still thankful i can keep my head above the water,i just need to float to an island with a computer once in a while.

Have you come to a conclusion?

That's why I stay home and drink now. Plenty of reasons to drink at home. Go out, you risk a black eye and a drink in the face from a lady. Stay home and drink, you get to play video games and play with your pet dog/cat/hamster. Now, which choice sounds more fun?

*Yes, I know. The black eye and drink in the face. If that wasn't the answer, then bars would have shut their doors centuries ago.*

Also, one downside to drinking alcohol out is that you have to get home, and driving might not be a good idea. If you drink at home and don't go out afterwords, you avoid having to risk your like drunk driving or arranging an alternative way of getting home that doesn't involve you driving.

In the US (don't know about other countries), it is actually illegal to drive if you have too much alcohol in your bloodstream.