So?

XD No way. We've been frozen but no one ever gets shut in up here. You know the schools up here haven't had a snow day in going on 16 years.

No, there is always lot's of traffic up here.

Anyway I just found out the 'strangers' she was talking too bought a really nice bar/grill next to the ski resort down the road so it turned out to be pretty cool after all.

Too scared to go to work right now. I always have trouble getting started on mondays and usually I don't have appointments on monday, I just can start up in my own tempo and get accustomed to the working week, but once a month there's a 'policy meeting' about how we are reacting to municipal policy this month and we do that with the four organisations that work together (one for the mentally ill, like me, one for people with physical disabilities, one for people with mental disabilities (problems with functioning due to low IQ) and one for helping anyone with legal issues concerning their benefits).

However, 2 months ago the director of one of the other organisations got into a temper for, as he believed it, we were too late in reacting to a certain piece. There's a difference in culture between the mentally ill and the organisations for people with physical disabilities. We take things slow, take great care to ensure all concerned are involved and sending a piece by mail is not the way we assume everyone is involved. It takes more than that. The conflict it created has haunting me the last two months and now, besides have trouble starting as usually, I got frightened because of the angry mood two months ago and couldn't find the courage or energy to go to the meeting and now I'm at home, to scared to go to work.

Well, actually it's not just this that frightens me, it's more of a concrete case of a general anxiety towards the world, where people with different opinions get locked up in concentration camps (well, it happened 75 years ago, but they were people still, just like us, and that makes me feel sad and sorry still), getting murdered for their opinions, getting oppressed because they're female in the wrong part of the world, or homosexual just about everywhere. People who live in nations with poverty who flee the poverty but don't find a welcome here. The world is a scary place.
Well, not really, the prospect of being far away from care and the conveniences of civilization don't appeal me much. Even now it can take an awful amount of energy and courage to go shopping, with the organic supermarket just half a mile away (three quarters of a kilometre, where I'm living). The mental health institute is a kilometre away. It abhors me to need to be more self-reliant when my mental energy to take care of myself is already low, I rather have the conveniences of a city at 10 minutes by bike away, when those 10 minutes can already feel like half a world away. My mental health will probably deteriorate very quickly in the middle of nowhere, as well as my physical health for lack of proper nutrition, as I'd have trouble having to cook everyday without being able to get convenience foods if I'm too tired to take care of myself.

Well, all sounds more horrible than it really is as I've written it. Living comes with highs and lows, and the above is being coloured by being in a low. Cooking can also be made less of a hassle by proper planning: tonight I eat baked potatoes, as I make two half-cooked potatoes when I'm cooking them for baking the next day, together with winter purslane (thanks Google Translate), which is easily cooked and a veggie burger which takes five minutes to fry, I'll have a fresh meal tonight which takes little effort to make.

But the world is such an unsafe place. If I was born in another place of the world, without mental health care, without the ability to live on a benefit, without an organisation in which to work to fulfil my passion, I would be living on the street, begging, or tied up in a room of my families home, with them ashamed of me and getting food but nothing more, without care, without a home, without my desktop to write these things and play Good Old Games. The world isn't a GOP (Good Old Place). Especially not in countries where GOP's rule (Grand Old Party, isn't it?).

I also have a severe anxiety disorder, it got bad enough that I had to quit working. If I was mentally healthy and did not know any better then I would tell you to stop worrying about what would life be like in a bad place but it's not as easy as all that.
I'm not sure why I replied to your post as I've got nothing to contribute but it helps me a little knowing I'm not alone, I hope it helps you too,

That's a very good reason, dear Old Gamer and does help a lot, knowing I'm not alone.

Called the professional of our organisation who supports us volunteers, mentally and practically (it's called 'supporter' if I translate the Dutch word literally, but it doesn't have anything to do with supporting a sports club :-) ). We made an appointment to have some coffee and talk at the workplace, not working, but just give me a reason to get out and vent a little. Have to work on my day-night rhythm though to get less easily upset, I slept early for the last two nights but 'one swallow doesn't make a summer' he quoted a Dutch proverb, but mostly we talked about little things and it's nice to work at a place where people understand it if you feel so bad, you just stay away.

Feeling a little bit better now. And as per living some place quiet, like monkeydelarge said, comparing to what American cities must be like, my home town is a quiet spot, 150.000 inhabitants with me living in a neighbourhood on the edge of town within 5 minutes walk of little bit of nature, 20 minutes walk to a lot more of nature.

Tomorrow there's a lunch meeting, I hope to be able to create time and energy to go out into that nature, as the first days of spring are arriving as of now.

What constitutes "mental health care" in the Netherlands?

I'm curious as it is sorely lacking in Australia. "Mental health care" is a chemical lobotomy, a bed in a psych ward (if one is "lucky") or gaol, or "talking about it" with someone who spends more time looking at the clock to see when the session has ended than actually providing any help of substance. My last call to the local crisis mental health care team was unreturned. The disability pension and other support systems are continually being eroded and undermined due to funding cuts and a discourse that wants everyone to work for the economy, without any support or assistance in doing so. The Commonwealth Rehabilitation Service, the one government organisation that actually helped disabled people get back into the workforce, was closed down this month in favour of privatising the services to "job network providers", private companies who have a proven track record of being useless.

Since this is a bitch about life thread; I'm getting tired and worn out from this life and am currently making up a bucket list of things to do before I die. I have given this much thought, and to put it simply, as I have struggled my whole life to find a place of belonging, the solution is obvious and simple.

On another note, it would be nice if GOG implemented an ignore feature on the forums(not just for PMs) and developed a reputation system that wasn't prone to abuse.

Just been reading through your posts. Sorry to hear that you're still struggling. I hope you managed to get out and enjoy some pleasant early spring weather. Not sure if you suffer from SAD syndrome but the lighter and longer days may lift your mood a little.

I'm sure it's no consolation but mental health services are pitiful here as well compared to services available for people with physical disabilities or conditions.

If you can, keep us posted with how you're getting on especially if it brings you some comfort.

Such a huge pile of university stuff in the near future. It's been the same since the beginning of the year, and my first chance at having a proper day off will probably somewhere towards the end of April.

Hanging in there.

E: Also stress from trying to find a job and all that shit going on in the background, ofc.

Mental health in the Netherlands is reasonably adequate, but I find it difficult to reply as I don't want to trouble you any further with thoughts how it could have been better in Australia. Basically, the focus for people with Schizofrenia and Schizo-affective Disorder (SAD, like Pigdog said, it's what I'm diagnosed with) is on medication.

Beside that, there's coaching by a Social-psychiatric Nurse (m/f) to talk about how to deal with the handicap in everyday life. For those who need it, there's several kinds of day activity projects, ranging from a kind of social living room project where you come to have a coffee and be among like-minded people, to things that's more creativity/hobby like, like painting, gardening, to projects that are more work-like and actually generate money. For me, all those things are superfluous as I have my volunteers job.

If you are able to do regular work, you are obliged too look for a job, but if you're 80-100% not able to work, the disability allowance is quit good and there's no obligation to work. But things get mean for those who are only partially disabled by their disability, as rules have becoming much more strict. The details of those rules give me headaches in a figure of speaking, as it's my job to step up for the rights of those people, even though I'm not able to work (in a regular setting) myself.

Tarnicus and Pigdog, thanks for the heads-up and how you too can find consolation in activities you like once in a while. For me, gaming, even though there's a risk of addiction because of that, serves as a good means to forget the world for some hours in a day.

Couldn't breathe on the way to my course, decided to go to a doctor... Allergic asthma -.- Wow, my Weekend is going to be so awesome.

Have to go to a birthday party of two friends today while I'm stil hungover and a bit drunk from my boss' birthday drinking yesterday. Which I kinda had to go to because a colleague told me that the boss actually expressed disappointment that I went home too early last time we were drinking. The dark side of working in a Slavic country. :P

On the bright side, I finally managed to make my boss laugh yesterday (all my earlier attempts just ricocheted off him like a bullet hitting Superman). The bad thing is that I didn't even try to do so and wouldn't even have said the thing if I had known that he was listening. Chemistry is clearly something we don't have.
Crap. Sorry to hear that.

Fuck it. Feeling so depressed with no one to turn to.

At least you are a part of GoG.com, you might even consider yourself as a tribal member
of a "clown-car": community. Though we may not seem like much, in the abstract, but there
is always someone around here to turn to.

Especially if you don't mind occasional jokes that fall flat, and bad puns...