"A fault confessed is half redressed." This is not meant smart-ass - recognising the problem is with you is the first step of improvement. You can change yourself. As long as you believe the problem is with other people you can't change anything for the better because it's out of your reach.
That's not to say that other people can't be problematic - abusive relations, false friends, things like that. But again the problem is with you dealing with these people and relations - blaming them won't change a thing.

I know this condition. I don't know what opportunities you have in Russia, but get professional help ASAP!

I live in Moscow so it means that I have more or less the same opportunities as everyone else in Germany. In order to get professional help with psychiatrist I just need some cash. To get money I need to find a job. That's the point. I will find it eventually, sooner than later. Nobody can live with hunger long enough. But I will not loan money for professional help, it's just not right. A man have to overcome problems by himself.
My condition is pretty bad indeed, but in no way I will end my life of take some dope. I have cut all the crap and possibilities for funny stuff. Maybe I should end playing video games as well. Stupid Skyrim and Spear of Destiny (with lost episodes) taking so much precious time.

Anyway thank you for your support. It's important believe it or not.

Sorry for being so blunt, but that's a stupid and dangerous notion.
You are clearly suffering from depression. One of the worst aspects depression is the vicisous circle: Depression robs you of all the energy and determination to solve your problems. Problems pile up adding to your depression.
Trying to solve your problems on your own "like a real man" will get you even more depressed when you fail (and not if). When your claim to manliness doesn't work you will feel "unmanly" and this will add to your depression.

So man up and admit that you need outside help!
What about family?

Nobody should be without support in times of need. That really depends. If the games can give you a much needed rest from your sorrows, don't quit. If they distract you and hinder you getting important things done, leave them or at least limit yourself (like - only 2 hours of game time a day).

I just wanted to say that ToxicTom made some good points here, especially the part about "manliness". Modern ideas of masculinity and femininity are changing to reflect a much more complex world, getting more complex every day,week,month, and year. We must all adapt to this or risk feeling even more isolated,depressed, and helpless.

Seek what ye needs most, and if there are any physical people who can help you, dare to ask them for aid.

Depression? Of course it is. I'm fighting it since the age 3. I know a lot about it and that brain works a bit differentl affecting the mood level. And of course it's a good idea to rely on others and seek help whenever you can. As for my family I can only rely on my mother. My father left the family long time ago, and when our paths suddenly crossed again, it was only because of his wife's dept was sold to some crazy gang which had nothing better to do when to threaten my life in my own house. My brother was the only person who seems to perceive things the same way as I do, and he managed to overcome himself, he earned a good money and build himself into a good looking athlete. Then he decided to go to war and was killed in action on the 2nd day, it's a great loss especially for me and my mother. So I have only my mother left. But I can't always rely on her, she needs my help more than I hers. And our parents will not live forever.
I'm in a bad shape because I got cold, due to specific brain patterns, abstinence syndrome from drugs withdrawal, no purpose in life, and absolutely no money to simple buy food, and also the bills for rent.
My mother perfectly knows about this (except for drugs, but she might suspect something). Oh, first thing I do when I earn my next salary is to go get some professional help, be sure of it.
But for now I will not seek help outside. It's not about masculinity or the world view. It's because of some little dignity I still have. Call it proud if you like. Samurais would call it "honor" :)))

But your point and toxicTom's are absolutely logical and correct. Please get my point, I was only bitched about my life in general, and I specifically mentioned my ex :)

You don't really think I can get suicidal or something, I have overcame this problem long time ago in school. You see it's just plain stupid to end your torment in life unless you have no other way (like last stage of cancer or mortal wound, or maybe some flesh eating zombie feasting on you).

I don't need a professional help before I can actually afford it.

Ok I have one advice for you.

You live in Moscow so it should be possible:
Go to a Bhuddist temple or Zen dojo. Tell them bluntly you don't have money and your don't want to convert, but you need help. If they turn you away they are fraud - look elsewhere. Otherwise follow their advice. Join ceremonies (even if you don't believe in them), try meditations. It will help you getting back to yourself, finding out out what's right for you. Just let it all in and impact you. There's a lot of wisdom, and more importantly calmness and strength to be earned at those places.
Especially the Zen places will demand a certain dicipline - but I think you are able to manage that. Please give it a try, there's no harm in it.

I was thinking about Qigong. There are a few Zen Buddhism temples here which many common ways with Qigong. So I'll give it a try :)

Gotta take issue with that. Wrestling an alligator with your bare hands will never be a feminine activity, and sewing will never be manly. There's some absolutes to the universe, regardless of how they're spun in the cultural rinse cycle.

We have rules for man club membership. Sewing, liking the Twilight movies, and crying unnecessarily will result in your expulsion.

You never met my mom.

I said feminine activity, not mom activity. Clearly once a woman has a child, especially a male, her testosterone kicks into overdrive, thus resulting any many old lady beards and mustaches.

*The whole testosterone thing is a joke. Please don't spam the board with replies to me linking to university studies of hormone effects in men and women.*

That's me out, then. Stitching is too useful to dismiss.

edit:
Especially now that I need a handkerchief. You brute.

A very good idea :) I would also advise learning some basic survival skills(this current way of human civilisation is completely unsustainable), with foraging for plant foods being the main one. There is an abundance of food everywhere that is far healthier and more vital than the rubbish sold in supermarkets(coming from a Western perspective here from Australia). I used to be part of foraging networks through social media(which I no longer use) where people shared their knowledge, and there was a map set up on one of these networks that showed good areas for various foods all around the world. I realise that it is is winter in Russia, which is the toughest time of year for foraging, especially if one is not well versed in mycology(the study of mushrooms) or able to identify root vegetables(some are highly toxic or need to be prepared properly to be edible), which are great sources of food during the colder months.

If you can make positive connections with other humans(I too can struggle with this) through those you trust, and offer to help them with whatever skills you have, then that energy will be reciprocated, if not at the time or directly by those you help, it will come back eventually. Finding one human being to trust and relate to is priceless and I wish you the best in doing so.

There are definitely absolutes in the universe, and the absolutes of sex differ from the culturally imposed roles of gender. You are clearly confusing the two. Thank you for the chuckle of "sewing will never be manly". Ensure your next surgeon is a female then! :P Then again if it is an orthopaedic surgeon(bone carpentry) where sawing and hammering must be "manly" by your definition, you'll need both in the operating threatre :)

Crying is very therapeutic and I am unsure if there is such a thing as "crying unnecessarily". Perhaps take a read up on the science of crying and its benefits.

I wouldn't be so sure. I once saw a guy sewing stuff with his junk.

Tough crowd. Didn't know we had so many fans of animal wrestling and sewing around here. Next time I'll go more meta... or random. The only true way NOT to piss people off around here is to confuse them.

Interesting. I confuse people to hide my stupidity.