I've been nauseated for 16 straight years. Today is one of the worse days. :(
I have medication that can help, but when I take it I get panicky and sometimes even psychotic.

Everyone has their own way to cope with a siutation like this, I guess. But maybe it's necessary to "visit that country" to keep going. To close the book, find an end, take a step on the ladder of grieving. I don't want to press you into anything, but I think it would be best to think clearly and take the required steps (even if they are hard) that you think are best for you to continue living.

Posting here already is a kind of reflection. I guess you already are on the right way. Just go on trhough to the end.

Agree - I'd at least consider it. It was a big relief when the wife and I visited my stepdad's grave site last year, and we've been better off since. Allowed us to get past the worst memories of his last couple days and focus more on the better times before.

I don't believe your tagline :-P

I have my moments...

Thank you for the advice but I cannot step in front of his grave like nothing happened. I mean What i'm ging to see is the outcome of what i've wished. Of course it had to hapopen sooner or later but it happened a couple of months after our fight. When i left for germany i did not say good bye or anything, just left him there standing. he cried. Can we please stop "talking" about it, i already feel bad about it. It is a horrible feeling.

And they betray you.

I would gift you a beer if GOG could do it :-)

Had a burst pipe today and had to move out. Fuck this.

Oh dear. I only now saw your reply and I kind if regret that rather light-hearted PM response. That quite a heavy burden to bear. And wish I could offer some helpful advice.

But still I think I might not be a bad idea to visit that grave. Not like noting happenend but to seek redemption for yourself. Maybe a kind of duty you have to perform to let the spirits (your's and your granddad's) be free. Thats is just a suggestion. In the end you have to settle your mind down and become clear what's best for you.

Today I tested my luck at a casino.

Luck rating: N/A

Apparently I have more luck with scratch off lottery tickets than casino games so far. There were a couple of occasions this year that I won $100 from $2 tickets, a couple of times in which I won $20 from a $1 ticket and a dozen times in which I won a little bit of money to make small profit. I thought the casino would maximize my chances of getting some money from gambling but not today.

You know that casinos and lottery are calculated to make the owners make a profit. Meaning the sum people pay trying their luck must always be larger than the money that is given back in winnings?

I'm aware of the high possibility of failure but there were times at the casino that I broke even and could have walked away but didn't. Plus I tried playing roulette since it helped spread out my risk and I kept breaking even cause I bet "black odd" and the number was even black even or red odd. The game that kicked my ass was craps (dice rolling game).

The lottery is strange in my case since I keep getting "free tickets" or $1 winners. Also, I still remember how I scored big by winning the top prize at a country raffle in 2011 which was a 52" plasma TV.

Please consider keeping careful track of your gambling-related expenses and winnings. Maybe carry a small notebook, or enter them into your phone. After some time, you can graph the results pretty easily, and this will give you a clear and honest picture of what's happening. When you work from memory alone, it's easy selectively remember your successes, as these are the most exciting results. So don't attempt to record past results, start fresh from today.

At the end of each month, you can decide whether the fun you get from gambling (and hell, it can be fun) is worth what it is costing you.

That said, if you don't want to know, that's totally fine, too.

This is a pretty good advice IMO. Gambling has destroyed more than one man's life. Winning a few times often creates the illusion of "I can do it" and then you start spending more waiting for this next "streak of luck" - it has to come, since it already worked once, right? No. Luck is luck (except of you believe in fate, karma or gods watching over your shoulder). Consider a game of head or tails: The chance for either one is always 50 percent. Always. Yet our mind is fooled to believe that having, say, three times head in row somehow makes tails more probable. Even if you had a hundred times head in row howver improbable this is, the chance for tails on the next throw is still 50 percent.
But our mind doesn't work this way. And this is where gambling addition starts. Winning tells you that "you can do it", that you are one lucky bastard and should continue. Losing means, you have to try harder, since it's just a matter of time until you win big time. That's what our brain would like to think.

I don't want to spoil your fun here, but please be careful.

Called my grandma. even after telling her who i am, she couldn't remember me. alzheimers. and i have a childhood friend dying of a brain tumor. and a girl i like is leaving for great britain to move in with her new boyfriend. oh and some of my closest friends are scattered all over the country and are finding new friends completely forgetting about me.

i feel like im losing it. i have just told my parents, that im going to move out and wouldnt want to see them again.

where are my budgies when i need them. right, they are dead.