Everything just seems to pile on all at once, doesn't it? Or maybe we notice it more because we're in such a negative state of mind.

Police here barles cares unless some one died in an accident and If i do a police report there is a chance my insurance will go high, regardless i will look into it. Its a 96 toyota, is my first and only car for all these years and beyond.

Mom has been home from rehab for 2 days. She fell the first night home. Trying to get up from the couch with out using her walker for support. She is stubborn and thinks she can get up or move around with out her walker. I have taped notes all over! Even to her walker. " Do NOT get up with out me!!" "Do NOT even think about touching the washer" on the laundry room door - I added on the other door "or the dryer!!". I am staying at her house so someone can be with her 24/7 between me and my father. I picked up a baby monitor so I can watch her from another room. I constantly nicely tell her why I am "nagging' and why she needs to listen. She does not want to go back to the hospital or rehab. She thinks she can do things she can not!! I did wash thing morning and put it in the dryer and when it was done I opened the door a bit so the buzzer would not buzz and ran into work for a hour. I come home with dinner and a hour later she goes to bed. I figure ok time to fold the clothes. NOOOO the dryer is empty. She is going to lose her balance trying to do things like this. I am so mad I can not even see straight. I got out the dry erase board and made a do NOT do list.. again and a note as to being sad she will not listen to me. (the least of my issue is having to hunt down my clothes tomorrow...Im guessing they are in my Dads drawers...aka im female and short and look nothing like my dad clothes wise.)

Any suggestions on how to get her to listen, relax and use her walker??!?

I'm sorry to heave about your mother, I went through a smiler thing with my grandmother before she died. Sadly I can not offer much help, at least there was no real fix I found with my grandmother. Like you, I would try to get her to rest, not overexert herself (or do anything that could hurt her) but she never wanted to listen, she just wanted to continue as though nothing was wrong (she had a degenerative nerve condition, which slowly destroyed her nervous system ).

I would try putting notes around the house, I constantly had conversation with her trying to explain why she couldn't keep doing certain things - sometime this would work, but only for a short time before she was back to her old self, trying to do things she no longer could. I do not think she did those things to be mean or spiteful, I think that she was just so desperate to show that she was still independent, that she is still able to do all the things she used to before the condition was diagnosed. I think part of it was that she was scared, and for her, carrying on as though nothing was wrong was maybe her way of coping with that, being her stubborn old self, not allowing anything to stop her and showing that she was still in charge.

I can relate to you getting mad at your mother, I used to get so angry with my grandmother at times. But in my opinion, I think you are doing the right things, what else can you do, hopefully your mother will begin to understand you're only trying to help and I hope she starts to take it more carefully. My grandmother never did unfortunately, not until the later stages when the condition had all but paralysed her, and even then she would try her best to do show that she was still in control. It was worth all the heartache and hassle though, even now as I write this I'm tearing up a little, but I am also smiling. I was so proud of her, that no matter how bad it got she was till so strong and certain that it would not get to her.

I'm sorry for wittering on and that I can offer no real help. My only suggestions would be to talk with her and explain why you want her to rest and relax and to maybe offer her a compromise, such as letting her do something minor in exchange for her using her walker (not knowing either of you I have no idea if this is practical, but it's just one of the things I found worked for me... sometimes). Even though it gets you mad and may feel like you're wasting your time, you seem to be doing all the right things you can do help her, the notes, encouraging her to use her walker. I hope things improve for you, and I hope she realises that you just have her best interest at heart. Again I'm sorry if I have been of no help, your story reminded me a lot of mine so I thought I would write this just in case you found it helpful.

Changed all my passwords but one. Looked into my outlook activities 10 minutes ago. Succesfull Log-ins from:

Germany (me)

China

China

USA

China

China

Germany (me)

Shit, what's going on?

No clue! This is crazy!

Empathize with your mum. Seriously, sit quietly and imagine yourself in her shoes.

She's experiencing a terrifying loss of independence and control. That walker and her new limitations are in her mind all the time. Post-its and a white board that tell her all the things she can't do properly anymore? She's aware. Super aware. What else would she be thinking about?

Get on her side. Rather than giving her orders, ask what you can do to help get life back to normal. "Mom, you know what you're doing, and need to test yourself a bit. Go for it. But please, just so I'm not so worried all the time, can you take it easy for a few days? I won't crowd, but if you need me, I'm nearby." Ask if you can put up a railing or two in places she intends to stand and work. She doesn't have to use them, but they are there if she needs them. Later, you can have a straight talk about how things are going, and what situations or jobs she needs to avoid without help.

Don't be frightened on her behalf all the time. She's got enough fear for the whole family. Moms bear the family burden their whole life, yet they're terrified of burdening someone else. Exude confidence. Confidence that she'll tackle this, and be able to manage as normal again soon.

I don't have any bright ideas about the walker offhand. But think about what a walker represents to you when you see one, and imagine what it'd be like to be reliant on one yourself. My mum isn't vain, but there sure as hell isn't any room for a walker in how she visualizes herself. Maybe treat it as an occasional useful tool, but don't obligate that she make it a part of herself.

Please don't take this a personal criticism. I probably would've strapped my own mum to a chair at first, and I'd be going at least as crazy as you are. And I wish you all kinds of luck.

(I wrote most of this in the imperative. I'm certainly not telling you what to do! It's just quicker to explain when I'm not preceding every suggestion with "maybe you could try...")

Due to Wifi, I can say hi to all fellow goggers even though I'm camping, but my oh my, typing on a 7" tablet is way more awkward than on the big Transformer Pad I left at home!

Beware, passwords changed from that mail-account could be compromised too if changed before the fraudulent log-ins! Maybe get all paswotrd change confirmations to an adress that was never compromised?


Plus: the mail-provide'rs customdr support might advice?

Quick explanation of what is going on with mom medically at the bottom.

I understand everything you wrote and I do try to let her be independent to a degree. I let her shower (shower chair) alone without me telling her what to do or in what order. (wow that sounds so bad but I do and I sit on her bed close enough to the bathroom in case she needs me.) She is able to make her own coffee and pick what she wants to eat - though I do prefer to make it and carry it to where she wants to be so she can have both hands on the walker. All I ask for basically is to be able to watch and be close enough that if she loses her balance I am there to try to catch her or support her.

But her health right now if is not just psychical - her mind is not there completely. Her mind tends to be brighter in the mornings and fade by the afternoons. The notes and boards are for this time. When she does not exactly remember what is going on. I explain everyday many times a day what is going on and what happened to get to this point. Also I explain why I am "nagging her" and it is not because I do want her to be independent it is because she is not strong enough yet to be moving with out her walker and she does not have the balance to use the walker even one handed yet. This is the reason she is having PT at home, so she can get stronger and not have to rely on the walker.

I know she must be going though hell in her own mind. She wants to do what she used to. It breaks my heart to have to stop her from doing things. But it is for her own good.

Thank you so much just reading your post made me feel better and not alone. Your post is almost a mirror of what is going on with Mom and I. I will definitely try to compromise with her and see if that helps. But I have a huge feeling she will be just like your Grandmother and it will only work for a bit. She tells me she understands and I think she does but then her stubborn side kicks in or she actually does forget she can not do what she used to. She told me I was the best sister she could ever have this morning..

She has battled cancer since 02. She had a tumor removed from her brain. Which came from lung and abdomen cancer. She went through chemo and radiation. and is in remission right now (she did have 1 relapse about 10 yrs ago.) She takes a medicine in that is basically Chemo in a bottle everyday. (Best meds ever - they gave her 6 months to 2 yrs in 02 and this med keeps her alive) but the chemo meds have caused nerve damage in her legs. We found that would after her first visit to the hospital which she stayed for a week. She came home and 2 days home she had a fall in the kitchen. 2 days after that I found her at the kitchen table in the morning with her head down mumbling nothing. I called 911 and they rushed her in. The Dr.s did not want to do anything for her. They told me to take her home to die. I asked the first if they were going to give her fluids when they admitted her from ER to patient. The Dr. told me no. I asked if they were going to do a CAT scan on her brain since she had a fall and I was worried she had bleeding on the brain. He told me no. What is the point. If they find bleeding on the brain she would not make it through any surgery. To get her on hospice. I called her oncologist who told me this has nothing to do with her cancer. They need to test her thyroid. I told her hospital Dr. this and he blew me off. The next day I walked into the hospital to hear her screaming as soon as I got off the elevator on her floor. I told the nurse to get my the Dr. now and her social worker. Of course the Dr. was off. I had the nurse and the social worker in the room with me while she was screaming in pain. I said to them this is inhumane and just because she is a DNR does not mean she deserve to be in pain and it sure as hell does not mean we should not be finding out what is causing this. After that they called in her oncologist and started running test! Turns out her thyroid was barely working. Her mind was still gone enough though they were treating her for pain. She thought she was at home. And would ask me where the cat was or where my dad was. Everyday she is on the thyroid meds her mind is better and better but it will never be back to where it was. After almost 2 weeks in the hospital she was moved to rehab for 2 weeks. today would be day 3 she is home.

Hey Sage, sorry for my simplistic and too obvious earlier response. You're clearly devoted to your mum, and I definitely wasn't trying to suggest otherwise. I read your other post and assumed a different context for your actions.

Perhaps there are things you can do to make the tasks she intends to do a bit safer. Elevating the washer/dryer, for example, so she can access both without bending or reaching. A laundry basket with wheels, which would (quietly) offer some support and avoid her having to carry a load around the house. Railings, or something more subtle, at places where she gets up or sits or needs to navigate carefully. Maybe you can accept that she's going to take risks, and act to minimize them.

Maybe I should just shut up and say good luck!

No, please do not "shut up" I welcome all suggestions, opinions and insight. It is very easy for me to become blind to some obvious things. (a small example - her walker was to wide to fit through the bathroom door so I was in the process looking for a smaller walker. Until I mentioned it to her PT yesterday and he flips it over and switches the front wheels. lol) and even blind to the big things like her feeling helpless. I know some of my frustration is me not being able to help her more and make all this go away. I am very happy to be able to vent here and release some of my frustration and anger towards the situation. I love her and will stand by here no matter what even if she tells me im mean and out to get her. She will forget she said it in a few minutes anyway. =)

Such as a few minutes ago when I asked her to do her PT exercises - which is just stomping her feet and rolling her feet =)

And I do know you are trying to open my eyes to her side of it. and I do welcome that and thank you for it. You have really good ideas and I will be looking into them. I have handles in places i know she needs support such as in the bathrooms but I think if i put more around the house it would be better or her and give me more peace of mind.

It's great that you're able to take the time to help out with your mom.

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Minor gripe: stiff and sore from working on my brother's roof all weekend. And we barely scratched the surface. He decided that we were going to tackle the toughest part first, that being this 6-8' tall turret with a steep, curved slope. And it starts about 28-30' off the ground. Pretty high up, and while we were at the tippy-top of the ladder we were having to streeeetch to reach the very top of the turret.

Safety harness? Pffft! That's for weenies!

Since the house is so old (150+ years, we're thinking), nothing is square. Everything had to be cut and trimmed individually. That would be easy if we were working on the level ground, but instead we're trying to do this stuff from up on the ladder and the pitched roof. Plays hell on the feet and ankles.

On the upside, we did finish up with the tall ladder work (at least on the turret itself) and can now use a smaller ladder from the roof to work on the last two sides. Got about 3/4 done before exhaustion took over. Looks good, so far.

Today I had quite the awkward moment when waiting for a dental x-ray and wisdom tooth removal consultation today. One of the patients was a severely mental special needs case who was told by his helpers to show his binder of personal info to the doctor's assistants but showed it to me instead. I just sat there saying "okay..." every time he showed me a document or picture. I just kept thinking to myself "okay helpers take the man away from me please."

This guy looked like he was in his late 30s or 40s but he was short and he appeared to have a condition that left him with the mindset of a five year old although he didn't talk.

Had an accident at work today. Pulled a muscle in my right hand -.-