Posted October 19, 2011
orcishgamer: Okay, I don't usually bitch here because I somehow feel I don't have whatever metaphysical right that allows it.
But I want to bitch anyway.
I had a birthday, again, where I paid for my own dinner, the only person there to celebrate it with me was my daughter. I had to pick out my own gift and let her order it off of Amazon for me. Last year she drew me a picture (I still have it).
But all that would be okay, because every year my parents call me in the morning and sing an embarrassing and off-tune happy birthday song to me. Most of my siblings call me, especially my brother who I like a lot and speak with frequently. I get a card from my parents and sometimes a random extended family member. So it's all okay. I don't really want any more than to know that I'm somehow important to them.
This year I got 2 texts from my sisters, no cards from any family, no calls from anyone. My fucking life insurance guy sent me a card, one of those pre-printed Happy Birthday bullshit postcards that they write off as a business expense. Wtf? No belated calls over a week later. My daughter picked up on it and tried to invite my brother over on Sunday, I was making cookies and I told her she could invite him over for pizza and cookies, but he didn't come (she got too confused on the phone to mention my birthday which was well past anyways, by then).
You know, I'm not the best person about birthdays, I'm inconsistent on sending gifts or cards, but I always, always at least call and tell everyone that I love them, even if it's far too late to get a card off.
I feel like I'm whining saying anything, but it actually made me feel far worse than I thought it would.
This is a bummer, dude. Hell, my birthday was the 7th, and if it wasn't for a chance hang out with 2 people after Taekwondo, I would have spent it alone, so I guess this shit happens. Don't worry about whining, as this thread was actually made for such things, and anything less would be considered thread derailment. :) But I want to bitch anyway.
I had a birthday, again, where I paid for my own dinner, the only person there to celebrate it with me was my daughter. I had to pick out my own gift and let her order it off of Amazon for me. Last year she drew me a picture (I still have it).
But all that would be okay, because every year my parents call me in the morning and sing an embarrassing and off-tune happy birthday song to me. Most of my siblings call me, especially my brother who I like a lot and speak with frequently. I get a card from my parents and sometimes a random extended family member. So it's all okay. I don't really want any more than to know that I'm somehow important to them.
This year I got 2 texts from my sisters, no cards from any family, no calls from anyone. My fucking life insurance guy sent me a card, one of those pre-printed Happy Birthday bullshit postcards that they write off as a business expense. Wtf? No belated calls over a week later. My daughter picked up on it and tried to invite my brother over on Sunday, I was making cookies and I told her she could invite him over for pizza and cookies, but he didn't come (she got too confused on the phone to mention my birthday which was well past anyways, by then).
You know, I'm not the best person about birthdays, I'm inconsistent on sending gifts or cards, but I always, always at least call and tell everyone that I love them, even if it's far too late to get a card off.
I feel like I'm whining saying anything, but it actually made me feel far worse than I thought it would.
Anyway, I became really antisocial in 8th grade, and somewhere in that time I lost the ability to communicate with people. Living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere doesn't help things either. Then in high school this girl sort of botched things up for me, and it took about 4 years for me to finally shed myself of the negativity from this.
It sucks because shit like that makes you feel less than human, and when you fall into that pit its even harder to drag your ass back out.
I'm just starting to come out of my shell, which I feel martial arts is playing a huge role, and it feels good, but I still have a way to go before I reach "Happiness" or whatever that state of being is.
The thing I need to fully realize, and everyone else for that matter, is that we are all interesting people who are capable of doing great things. If people see hold your chin up and your chest out even when everything is going to hell, they are going to rally behind you.
I used to think people didn't really give a shit about me, but it turns out I'm actually a pretty cool guy. I've been getting stares from a lot of girls on campus, and not the "holy shit this guy might rape me" stares but actual "I want to know that guy" stares. This has never happened to me before, at least that I've noticed, and I think I can finally go out and...I don't know, actually try to live, or something along those lines. Anyway, sorry for my rant. I am still pretty awkward with expressing myself.