Hawk52: I just recently applied for DHSH benefits to get myself checked out mentally and physically. I've had severe (IMO, I've never been officially diagnosed) mental issues related to depression for most of my life. But it's only recently that I really stopped and evaluated myself. I've gotten to the point that I'm tired of trying to cope with anti-social, anxiety, and depression issues. Where as before, I could still force myself to co-exist with people and life around me, I found that I was increasingly withdrawing into a shell, and since I'm an online student and everything around me revolved around the internet, I stopped engaging in real life. I barely ever went outside (I'm trying to get better about that), I never left home unless I absolutely had to, and I tried to avoid even family.
I realized I had to try and fight this if I wanted any kind of future aside from basically committing a slow form of suicide, but when I tried to get some type of treatment plan worked out, I was told by our local (I live in a small town, which doesn't help) mental facility that they had no more outreach for low income (or no income) plans, and I'd have to pay upfront for treatment, with money I don't have. After I mentally crashed for awhile, I finally bit the bullet and tried for state aid.
If I don't get some type of help, even counseling without pills, I don't know what'll happen. It's not that I'm suicidal, but I'm just mentally
exhausted from fighting myself on the littlest things, like "I need to get something to eat"/"I'm hungry...but that takes so much effort to get up and eat anything. It's not worth the trouble"
I didn't mean to hijack the thread with this. I just felt it was somewhat relevant to the discussion.
It's good that you're at least reaching out to someone. What I can tell you from what you said is that you are indeed going down a very dark path. BUT, you clearly have recognised this, and that's good!
I feel for you, I truly do. Fact: I've been hospitalised before. Went down a dark path and waited almost too long to seek help.
Recognising your problem was the first step to recovery, i.e. a healthier you. Reach out for help to the right people, like your family if you can. Love and friendship are the best bonds you can form in your search for aid.
Good luck, my friend, and I hope to hear from you when you're feeling happier about yourself!
I appreciate it. For a long time, I never talked with anyone about what I was dealing with (From about age 13 to 24-ish (I'm 25 now)). So just mentioning it is a big step. I didn't have the worst situation growing up, but I didn't have the best. So I learned/developed not to mention anything that was wrong to family or friends. So if I hurt myself, I didn't say anything, or if I was feeling down I never talked about it. I just bottled it all up inside.
So now I'm 25, my body is completely and totally shot from major and minor injuries piling up, and I'm mentally exhausted from years of fighting an invisible war. But I can still try to fix myself mentally so I have to try even if it takes all my willpower to make myself do it.
