Granted, as one so concerned, you're drafted into Master Roshi's squad in the Coochie Wars; your mission: to crush enemy pussy and hear them driven to lamentation before you!

dtgreene: Granted, Gamestop is paying people to take copies of The Last of Us 2.

I wish TeamFourStar abridged the Buu Saga.

Wish granted. TeamFourStar choose to take things literally and now all characters in the Buu Saga look like bridges, railway overpasses. Really ancient Buu Saga characters are drawn as wooden bridges, or if even more ancient, drawn as trees fallen across streams or gulches.


I wish coffee plants weren't going extinct.

Granted: A new species of coffee plant appears that is not in danger of going extinct.

Unfortunately, there are some problems:
* The species is incredibly invasive, causing other plants, including some of those commonly used as crops, to go extinct.
* It is unfortunately not possible to make coffee from this coffee plant.

I wish I could cast the MONECOM spell from Magic of Scheherezade in real life. (For those not aware, this spell gives the caster the maximum amount of money and consumable items when cast. Since it's a Great Magic spell, it can only be cast during a solar eclipse and only once.)

Granted, the spell is successful, all the world's money is dropped on you in an instant, crushing you to death under tons of coins and bank notes.

I wish for "Morolf" to become a popular, prestigious name.

Granted, it's the most prestigious name in Chinese politics.

I wish everyone on social media was cured of their polio-ticks.

Granted, there aren't any ticks on social media which could bite users and spread polio (not that there were any before)...that's what you asked for, didn't you?

I wish for Gog to organize us all into a giant army to wage a merciless war on Steam and bring down the evil DRM empire.

Granted, but now the Corporate War as seen in the Cyberpunk Universe has come true, with literal militias made up of PMCs fighting for GOG, Steam, et al. It's noted as the most disastrous war in history, but also the most influential for DRM-Free supremacy.

I wish for Cyberpunk 2077 to have a dating simulator spin-off

Granted, but going after Steam first was a terrible choice; now all the AAA stores gain leverage and make DRM worse.

I wish offering pre-orders was illegal.

Granted: All orders are illegal, except those made at the physical place and time the object is picked up.

Unfortunately, this means that the only way to get something is to go physically into the store, and as we all know, that can lead to more COVID-19 infections, making the pandemic worse.

(Also, minor nitpick: It should be "were illegal", not "was illegal".)

I wish I could cast the SPRICOM spell. (This spell, again from Magic of Sheherezade, will, if cast during the winter, will make it spring.)

(Since this wish got lost, I will handle it.)

Granted, but all the characters except the protagonist are aromantic; it is therefore not possible to actually go on any dates.

Granted, the spell is cased but by entrusting this task to someone who has no idea what SPRICOM or Magic of Sheherezade is it goes wrong. You get five minutes of spring followed by fifty years of winter.

I wish the Saudi Royal family would covert pacifist and non possessiveness zen Buddhism.

Granted, but a new Islamic terrorist organization is formed with the express purpose of killing them and all of Saudi Arabia (plus that small neighboring country with the eco-friendly buildings) are brought to ruin in the process.

I wish Jak 4 was made instead of The Last of Us.

Granted, but it's so bad, they have to launch the copies into the sun, because there is no desert big enough to hide the shame. Obviously, the weight of the failure makes the sun collapse into a black hole.

I wish the days on earth were four hours longer.

Granted, an idiot is aloud to rewrite the calendar to achieve this meaning we lose all track of time and date in the process.

I wish Hitler, Mussolini and Hirohito all were captured alive and made to stand trial together at the Nuremberg trials.

Granted, but their charismatic appearance at the trial and their subsequent execution turns them into martyrs for their cause, and today they are worshipped by dozens of millions.

I wish for Steam going bankrupt and consumers refusing to buy games with DRM.

Granted: Consumers refuse to buy games at all, and as a result the entire gaming industry goes bankrupt. Hence, no new games are made, and the only way to get games is via used physical copies or piracy (which is still illegal).

I wish the copyright term were shortened to 28 years, with no renewals allowed.