You get the laser cannon, but there are two issues:
1. It only works in outer space.
2. You have no way to get the cannon to outer space.

As a result, you have no way to actually use that shiny new laser cannon you got.

I wish that, in real life, I could cast the spells Raise Dead and Resurrect, and that those spells have the expected effects.

Granted, the people who are resurrected however immediately turn and murder you as they were far happier being in eternal paradise with all their loved ones.

I wish the planned reintroduction of wolves and bison into the British countryside goes without a hitch.

Granted, but then another animal gets introduced, and that animal brings with it two problems:
* The animal is incredibly invasive, taking out the populations of wolves and bison that were introduced.
* The animal brings with it a nasty contagious disease that spreads to humans, one that's as contagious as measles and which operates the way HIV does, requiring treatment for the remainder of the lives of those infected (or else one remains contagious and eventually succumbs to a secondary infection).

I wish that, somehow, all coronaviruses would cease to exist; furthermore, I further wish that this wish have absolutely no effect on other types of viruses.

Granted, the threat of viruses is objectively made better for us, but aliens arrive furious that their science experiments have been neutralized; they glass the Earth as revenge.

I wish peaceful contact with extraterrestrials is made within my lifetime.

Granted, but you die as soon as contact is made, by unrelated causes.

I wish for a clarinet in the key of F#. (For those not aware, most claranets are Bb instruments; when you play a written C, a concert Bb comes out. My wish is for one where, if I play a C, and F# comes out.)

Wish granted. You get your clarinet, made of Honduran rosewood. However, because of a minor fungal impairment in the wood, F*** comes out whenever you play a C.

I wish Scotland would become a fully integrated member state of the USE.

Done; but as a condition of its joining, the flag of the USE now features a unicorn.

I wish the United States would finally join the rest of the world in embracing the metric system.

Granted, but software has to be re-coded to account for that, and sometimes the programmers forget. Then, a missed unit conversion (or a conversion when there shouldn't be one) occurs, and disaster strikes, causing many deaths.

By the way, this sort of bug has actually caused the loss of a NASA spacecraft:
https://www.simscale.com/blog/2017/12/nasa-mars-climate-orbiter-metric/

I wish for JavaScript support in web browsers to be deprecated and then later removed.

Edit: Look up "Mars Climate Orbiter", as that was the spacecraft that was lost due to a mistake of different units being used without conversion.

Granted. Unfortunately GOG was never updated, so you have lost the ability to post in the forums.

I wish for Pi to be redefined to a nice whole number to make calculations easier.

Granted, but the result is that mathematical calculations involving circles are now incorrect, which causes major problems for certain types of engineering. This results in some significant ripple effects, like functional hardware of various types no longer being able to be made.

I wish for a GOG release of Celeste.

Edit: Fix typo. If you "corrupted" the wish based off the typo, please find a corruption that doesn't rely on it.

Granted GOG gets an exclusive version of Celeste with extra in game content and bonus extras for half the price anywhere else, however its blocked from sale in all regions except for Antarctica and VPNs are unable to circumvent this.

I wish all of GTA Online content is modified to become fully playable in single player mode and Rockstar add a full offline mode to the Rockstar Launcher alongside this.

Granted, but it's a single 200Gb download and always times out at 99%.

Wish Brexiteers all had to wear the dunce hat of shame whenever in public.

Granted, the hat becomes a symbol of the oppressed, who rebel against the fashion-tyrants.

I wish Bill Clinton never became President.

Granted. Carter dissolved the presidency and continues to rule as lord of the United Kingdom of America.

I wish I could eat whatever I want without gaining weight.

Granted. You now have cholera.

Wish the dark ages hadn't happened.