Happily granted! Of course, now the endless logic puzzles keep getting in the way of any actual gameplay.

I wish I could enjoy a good FPS.

Granted. You spend your entire savings, retirement and take out loans with Harry the Loan Shark to get a television with 64000 frames per second. You enjoy the television, especially for fast-moving action, but it dulls after a while. Especially as you're tied upside down with a hot poker in your gut. Harry the Loan Shark says "Poke him again. Maybe he'll burst with money like a pinata."

I wish for an anonymous donation of a few hundred million dollars so that I can start my own software company!

Granted. It actually came from this guy. And once you succeed, he intends to buy you out, Simpsons-style.

I wish the Steam machines weren't just overpriced PCs that can only run games, but an actual threat to the unappealing console juggernauts of now-current-next gen. And if I'm wrong, then I wish I understood what on Earth Valve is trying to pull with this.

Granted, they are not just overpriced PCs, now every steam console is a microwave, which poses quite a threat to any current gen console put inside of it.

I wish that I win the next giveaway I enter.

Granted but as soon as you win, gog changes it policies and starts to add an intrusive drm system to all the giveaway games, the new drm system consist in:
* Always online connection to play the game
* Minimum of a 10mbs Internet connection
* Securom
* SafeDisc
* StarForce
* Tages
* Daily patches for the game for the drm system (1gb each)

I wish for a happy life

Granted, but it is capped off by a remarkably soon, painful death.

I wish The Criterion Collection had prices like GOG.

Granted, now it's even free! Sadly you acquire a rare disease, one that makes you deaf-mute.

I wish for a happy and long life xD

Granted, you will become completely, incurably insane, to the degree that you lose absolutely all touch with reality and will therefore be happy, even if you are in a straitjacket on the far side of a padded room, and will live a long life thanks to the excellent healthcare afforded to you by your position in a care home.

I wish I had some White Castle burgers.

Granted, but now legions of rich private school kids will rip you to shreds for taking away the one thing they use their iPads for in class.

I wish I had some actual work ethic.

Granted, you now have too much work ethic. Now you can never stop working because using your precious time for frivolous things like fun is not acceptable.

I wish I had a genie.

Rubbed from a lamp and into your face explodes Nasty Bub, the one genie driven out of the genie realm, because due to his lack of genie ethic, he's given everyone the bubonic plague instead of free wishes. Bummer!

I wish for sweets to be beneficial to dental health.

Granted, sweets now clean, shine and polish your teeth while fighting for dental caries. Too bad that they are really expensive, almost as going to dental care, almost 2000 bucks the a single sweet.

I wish for my soon to former mother in law to have a joyfull life where all of her wishes come true.

Granted, all her wishes come true, in fact she is so happy that literally she cant tell reality from dreams anymore, driving her totally insane. She ends up in a mental institution.

I wish for a Guarana

Congratulations! They're about to be discontinued, but you've gotten the very last one.

I wish my trouble-ridden car would hang on till payday, when I can finally get it either repaired or replaced.