You didn't specify how evil quantifies as evil, so now we're all in a black hole. :U

I wish Nintendo primarily made supergames for PC that were optimized for Haswell Extremes.

This may actually be truer than you think.

Granted. But now the load times and frame rates on your Wii are so bad that you end up throwing your console through a wall.

I wish drinking diet cola was good for me.

Granted but it has to be butt chugged to be beneficial to you.

I wish the 2001 version of Duke Nukem Forever was the game that got released.

Two months after showing their impressive trailer at E3 2001, 3D Realms releases Duke Nukem Forever. Both critics and gamers embrace the title wholeheartedly, soon it is hailed as the best first person shooter of the new millennium. The experience is so immersive, feels so real, that when an actual alien invasion commences on Earth, DNF players worldwide think themselves battle-hardened veterans and are on the forefront of the response to the attack from outer space.
Sleazy one-liners provide no shield to death rays though and strafing trained in-game doesn't translate well into avoiding getting plugged with butt probes and being sucked into a hovering saucer. 3D Realms gets tried for treason, as they provided the enemy with the means to fry or kidnap our generation's finest.

I wish people would appreciate story depth in games more, instead of the obvious, the loud, and mediocre.

Granted, everyone now wants games with stories like Planescape torment. The costs of producing videogames sky rocket since good writters are hard to find. Suddenly everyone wants to write stories for videogames and we end with people like Stephenie Meyer, E. L. James and Adam Sandler working in the industry, now everyone misses obvious, loud, and mediocre stories.

I wish for an awful, terrible, boring sequel for duke nukem forever to be released.

Granted, but the game will be in development for 25 years.

I with for Vile from Mega Man X playing as Boba Fett in Super Smash Wars Episode V: The Empire Smashes Back. If you are unfamiliar, Episode IV: A Link to the Hope is available here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh-BEKM-jRc

Granted, but it will be released only as an dlc and will cost 100 dollars.
I wish for non exclusive games on consoles anymore

Thanks a lot. Now Apple owns everything.

iWish* that actual wishes were available in the App Store.

(*You see what I did there?)

Granted, and thank you for downloading the free iWish app. You have 5 free iWish credits. Please enter your credit card information to purchase iWish credits. Only 9,999,995 needed for your next wish.

I wish I had my own personal island in the Caribbean.

Granted, but all Caribbean islands are being sat on by zebra oil magnates. So, welcome to Kingman Reef, a small strip of coral rubble in the North Pacific Ocean that lies submerged most of the time. The view from this maritime hazard is neat though.

I wish for me to insta-develop the skills necessary to build my own Kurt Hectic custom action figure from scratch.

Granted, but in the process you become so obsessed with details that you cut 2 fingers from your hand.

I wish for a trip to Japan.

Granted, but on the flight there you feel airsick and take lethal blowfish flavoured airsickness tablets.

I wish all the press about the new Thief game is an elaborate ploy and they give us a proper follow up in the vein on TDP and TMA with Stephen Russell as Garrett, Benny etc.

Granted, but it turns out to be the same follow up tripe.

I wish my sleep schedule functioned normally and that my body would cooperate when I try to get to sleep.

Well Damn, that actually cut pretty deep... :(

Granted but it works so well your muscles and control of all your...shall we say faculties is lost.